It Is Well With My Soul

My brother died September 12, 1994. He was a few weeks short of his 17th birthday. I turned 20 the day after he died. I made a pact with God that instead of being angry I would use it to help others.

My 12 year old son, Tyler, was diagnosed with DMD June of 1999. He was only 15 months old. This time I was angry! Why would he do this to our family a second time? Why my son? First the sister, now the mom? I promised I would use my life experience being the sister, not the mom! Not at all what I had in mind when I made that promise.

A few years after we found out I had volunteered to help with taking our Youth Group to their annual convention. The same convention I loved going to as a teen. I was very pregnant with Tatum so I was hormonal to begin with. Saturday afternoon during worship they sang It is Well With My Soul. I had to leave during the song. I cried out to God "it is NOT well with MY soul"! I cried like a baby in the bathroom. How could I be helping with the youth group if I cannot even worship God with a loving and open heart? The realization of this put me on a path of healing.

It has been about 4 years now that I can say I can sing It is Well With My Soul. I am still on the path but not as far back as I used to be. At the same time I made a new pact with God. I will use both, being the sister and the mother. I don't have it all figured out. I still have days, more than I'd like.

Maybe this blog will be the start of the ministry God has called me to...